Does this sweater need a collared shirt or is a T-shirt fine?

About a week ago Stacey was sitting at the over-sized farm table in the kitchen with his Bible opened in front of him.  He was reading from the book of Ephesians while texting or snapchatting or instagraming and eating his second bowl of off brand Mini Wheats.  As I walked into the room he said, ‘it’s a shame you ripped Ephesians out of your Bible.  There is some good stuff in here!” 

He’s right about the good stuff:  in six short chapters, Paul uses the word grace twelve times and love 14 different times.  He talks in a practical sense about life; about grace and peace, wisdom and knowledge, trust and truth, hope and promise.  These are things I need to filter through my mind on a regular basis.  He talks a little about Christian maturity and what behaviors we should avoid. In the last of the book, Paul also reminds me who the enemy is and how I am to equip myself to withstand against the enemy.  Oh, it’s just packed with value!

But….in Ephesians 5, Paul uses ‘the S word’…. you know? Submit.  And that is why I ripped the entire book out of my bible.  I am not a ‘submit’ kind of gal.  Maybe you noticed.

I think I can tell this without calling any names or making anyone mad.  I am not one to ask permission.  If I want to go to Walmart or the Goodwill store or the Mall or to Vicksburg, Mississippi, for whatever reason, I simply go.  That doesn’t mean the communication is missing. I don’t sneak out or call after I arrive to let someone know.  It’s a conversation but I don’t need approval or permission.  It sounds as if I have attitude about this.  It almost sounds like I am spitefully and willfully daring anyone to tell me I can’t do something.  That is far from the truth.  I just think, “I’m going to run to Walmart,” is enough; I don’t feel even the slightest obligation to ask, “do you mind if I run to Walmart?”

Calm down, Baptist!  I didn’t really remove anything from my bible.  I assure you any tears, rips, or omissions are completely unintentional and repaired to the best of my abilities once noted.  I wrote the above nonsense to share with you my illustration of ‘submit’ as it is written in Ephesians 5:22.

If you google such you will find that minds far more knowledgeable than mine have likened submission to Roger Staubach and Tom Landry and lawnmowers with chocolate syrup.  All good stuff but I like to think of submission as a dance.  Not a waltz or the floss, not the running man or the cotton-eyed Joe; but a two-step.

This past weekend I was in Mexico with my friends from high school.  Eight ladies of the 80’s plotted and planned an adventure into the Gulf of Mexico hoping for sun and relaxation.  As I was gathering my things and packing my suitcase the Sunday morning of our return trip, I looked at my phone to see a text from that guy I live with that read, “Does this sweater need a collared shirt or is a T-shirt fine?”  Attached to it was a selfie of him standing in the door to the bathroom wearing a light blue sweater over a T-shirt.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a fashionista or anywhere close.  I am still wearing hand me down jeans from 3 styles ago.  Unfortunately, I saw the text too late to respond and I don’t know how he completed the ensemble before heading to church that morning.  This is a man that can pull a combustion engine from a boat using a rope over a limb of a shade tree in the backyard, tinker with it and put it back in and go skiing that afternoon.  He can calculate the cosine and sine and whatever the other one is and does for engaging self-enjoyment. (Side note: as he read that last statement he fought the urge to tell me what ‘the other one is’.) He has APPs on his smart phone to convert numbers and units and degrees.  He is my go to for tips and tricks for manipulating an excel spreadsheet.  That guy I live with is smart but he can’t decide how to wear this sweater to church.

Fortunately for him what I lack in fashion sense I make up for in decisiveness and that is where the dance begins.  Bear with me, this analogy is clearly too big for paragraph form:

Some thoughts on dancing:

1.    No one pushed, pulled, or tricked me onto the dance floor.  I have been drug to many events before but I willfully chose to stand with open arms before that guy I live with.

2.    We dance to the love songs.  Think of the songs on your playlist.  I have a variety of genres, artists and tempos on my download list.  I listen to anything from The Statler Brothers and Freddy Fender to Katy Perry and MercyMe but when I dance face to face with that guy I live with it’s going to be a love song in a very traditional sense. 

3.    We don’t dance for you.  I read recently (probably on Facebook) “forget the ones who want to dance in clubs. Find one who’ll dance in the kitchen to George Strait.” Our dancing is for us and the betterment of us and that is the kind of dancing that happens in the kitchen or on the back porch or around the Christmas tree; maybe.

4.    He leads.  I must admit, that guy I live with isn’t much of a dancer.  We have on occasion in our earlier years together gone to the clubs and after some time in the shadows managed to make our way onto the hardwood hand in hand.  I know some will think I am being harsh but he’s a counter and he doesn’t have a natural rhythm. It’s the engineer in him. But he leads, facing forward and with great visibility he maneuvers through others trying their skills on the sawdust.  And he counts, step, step, slide, step, step, slide…. sometimes he’s only avoiding the obstacles around the kitchen table; Stacey’s shoes, Q’s toys, Amazon boxes.

Where does the submission come in?  That’s my part.  Truthfully, I am not a dancer either.  One of my daughters-in-law can twirl and spin around the dance floor with a skill level that they didn’t teach in 4H camp.  She has a polished swing that is not only fun to watch but it’s intimidating.  Funny thing is her skill is dependent on the person leading; wouldn’t she look ridiculous doing all of that without a partner?  And while the lead is important he would certainly look silly without her.  Submission is not a line dance or a pole dance.  It’s a face to face, arms embraced movement to the same song. 

Two important parts of the submission dance beyond choosing the right partner, the right song, the right location and right reason:

1.    Trust:  I can’t dance with you if I am in constant fear of trip hazards.  When I find myself looking over my shoulder I need to reevaluate my trust settings.  Rear view mirrors are for Buicks not dance floors. Confidence, trust, faith in the leader not because he demands it but because he deserves it.

2.    Skill: Submission is not a power struggle. It’s one unit moving in the same direction, on the same mission, with the same goals, yet different skills.  I’m not to be the leader but the leader can’t step, step, slide, step, step, slide backwards in heels.  It’s not a matter of deficiency; it’s not his role.

I tend to beat an analogy to death (also a skill) but one more thing: teach your kids to dance.

Have you been in a fight lately?

I remember as a kid thinking that it was cool to have been in a fight.  At some time in my young life I heard an older teen ask another have you ever been in a fight? They would talk graphically about these fights. The brutality was as cool as cigarettes and burning rubber. I often wondered what characteristics must be involved for an encounter to be labeled as a fight.

Often as children my sister and I had “fights”.  On one occasion I pushed her into the living room window. Does that qualify as a fight? I am not sure but I do know that we broke the window and were required to pay for the replacement. Parenthetically, window replacement in the late 70’s cost exactly the amount required for two girls to go skating on a Saturday morning.  I recall one time my dad was so sick of the fighting that he made us stand in front of the house near the highway and physically and publicly fight with one another. He followed that with roadside embracing.

That guy I live with and I don’t fight now but when we were younger we had disagreements from time to time.  Once I bought him a spooky neck tie to wear to work on Halloween.  That particular year Halloween fell on a Friday, casual Friday, and he refused to wear the tie. Finally, to appease me, he put the tie on. It didn’t make me as happy as you might imagine and if I remember correctly I took the scissors and snipped the tie off about 5 inches below his chin. We referenced that as a fight but I’m sure that was just fussing.

When I was in junior high I remember an organized fight that was supposed to take place downtown Beckville just after school. I don’t remember what the fight was to solve or what started it but in junior high school it seemed everything revolved around boys and baby aspirin. The girls were to meet downtown and with a crowd of fellow students of all ages circled around to witness the pulling and tugging, kicking and clawing, hair pulling and squealing and rolling around on the pavement. I stood proudly to watch.

We all have stories about fighting and fussing, arguments and disagreements.  If you don’t have any such stories, turn on daytime television.

So why am I talking about fighting? I consider myself to be somewhat non confrontational.  I don’t do physical aggression.  While I am very opinionated I don’t consider myself to be argumentative.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being most likely to walk away, I am a solid 14.  That said, I likely stomped my foot and walked away pouting.  That’s who I am.

Earlier this week, I heard someone reference the scripture, II Timothy 4:7 where Paul said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” as a summation of his life.  I have always loved and often quoted this passage because like most people I read this as someone at peace with what they did and how they did it.  I have mentioned on many occasions that I am not one for making New Years Resolutions but I do have goals for my life.  One of those goals is to not leave this life with overwhelming regret.

Men and women much smarter than I have pondered and expounded on this verse through the years, in foreign languages and around the globe.  I will only look at it from the most practical and most elementary application.  If you were to summarize your Christian walk, the choices that define you, and the way you displayed your relationship with Christ as a conflict, would you honestly describe it as a FIGHT?  Maybe it was a scuffle, or a fuss?  If I tallied up the defining choices of the 1990’s for me, I would not find fight; not even a snarl.  I refer to those as the complacent years.  I was indifferent and unconcerned for a major part of the decade.

What about now?  I told you I am not much for New Years Resolutions. I operate more on the principle and philosophy of “Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can,”~ Arthur Ashe (rinse and repeat).   But if I decided that I needed to ‘fight’ it would be a great time to start.

My friend and coworker, Scott Kujak, is the founder and creator of Underdog Podcast as well as the 2018 Golden Gloves Champion in the super heavyweight division of Austin, Texas.   Even in his suit and tie at 6ft 4inches he can present as a force to be reckoned with but when you walk straight up to him, unafraid and bold, he will smile and you will see it in his eyes.  You will also notice that around his thick right wrist he wears a rubber bracelet that says, James 1:2-3, and he means it.  The combination of these and the reputation of compassion for everyone he encounters made him the ideal person to talk to about preparing for the fight.


I asked Scott this:  if I wanted to start boxing for fun, obviously and ridiculously hypothetical fun, what 2 to 3 things must I do to prepare?  I need to be ready but as I told him, my boxing training was a direct reflection on the abilities of Rocky Balboa and consisted mostly on being able to scream, “Yo, Adrianne” in the appropriate Italian Stallion accent.


I gave him some time to think about it but I don’t think that changed or altered his response at all:

1. Discipline.  Running and jumping rope, sparring and pushing through the bruises; getting back in the ring to do it all over again.

I texted the word discipline into my phone quickly all the time thinking, consistency, persistence, perseverance, determination.  My Baptist mind scrolled through my scripture memory bank, “Pick up you cross” “Crucified daily” and finally landed on a passage marked in my bible as “daily walk”; 1 Chronicles 16:8-15.  I read the scripture to myself and thought it sounded so easy compared to the day in the ring that Scott described.  1 Chronicles 16: 8-15 is a Psalm and required no head gear, no gloves, no mouth guard. Comparatively, easy. Then I remembered my opponent and his wiles, the snares he hurls and his ability to derail my discipline.  In Ephesians 6 we are warned that we fight against principalities and powers that have taken off the gloves.  To prepare for the fight, we need to put on the full armor of God.  I don’t think the jump rope is going to prepare me for the fiery darts of the wicked but I have the shield of faith. That’s where the discipline comes into play.  Discipline is the choice, ability and determination to raise the shield even if you are bruised and tired.

2. Mentally confident but not cocky. Bold. Calm confident.

As Scott described and explained his comments I thought about my days of being in high school athletics; the mindset, the emotional roller coaster of winning then losing, the expectations and disappointments.  It’s often difficult for us to find the calm confidence. Let’s be honest, physical conditioning is tough but mental conditioning is as brutal as two junior high girls fighting in the streets of town.  In Romans 7 Paul has a little breakdown and pens a level of genuine frustration to the church of Rome; the internal conflict of potential and practical warring in his mind. In verse 25 of the same chapter and the beginning of chapter 8 he pulls it back together with the blessed assurance, the calm confidence. To prepare for the fight, we need to be still and know (PS 46:10) who God is, we need to be bold as a lion (Proverbs 28:1), not because of our abilities but because of our Creator.

3. Fight for purpose. Deeper meaning.

I had to ask. You all want to know. Why would you intentional get in reach of someone trying to hit you?  (I love you, Scott, but in my old mind that makes about as much sense as eating a Tide pod.) His answer made me question the things I do. Where I may ask, “why do you box?”; he might ask, “why do you blog?” I found 261 scriptures in the King James that ask “why”.  That’s not a lot of questions for a book so full of answers.  Don’t complicate this; it can be simple and straightforward.  I am going to get up every morning and exercise with my “daily walk” and I am going to be bold and confident in the Gospel not for trophies, or accolades, or championship titles.  1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “do all to the glory of God” and in verse 33, “that they may be saved.”

I know at least one question left unanswered, am I even in the fight?